Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
by Marianne Williamson
(Thank you my kindred friend, Judy, for your special little delivery.)It’s my 41st birthday today. 41 years since I left the presence of my Father in Heaven, and at times, I have nearly forgotten whom I am.
I repeat the above quote in my head often these days. The particular phrase, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" is uncomfortable for me to recite. I find myself almost whispering it. I have my reasons for the unsettling effect it has on me to say those words out loud. But the phrase that follows is where my spirit, heart and mind all make the connection:
“Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.”
I am a child of God, just as you are a child of God. That I firmly believe. It is that truth, and that alone, that moves me to feel love, confidence, allowance and liberation in sharing my world publicly again.
I have been debating for nearly a year to blog or not to blog again. “It shouldn’t be such a big deal,” you may say. But for me, it has been. I want to be very intentional in my purpose. I ultimately have decided I will blog as a way to openly share my gratitude to my Heavenly Father. I could effortlessly write about the agony and frustrations I feel at this stage in my life. But just as easily as I can vent the oppositions I experience daily, I can positively define joy and beauty in my living as well. The life I live is fulfilling. It’s meaningful. It’s full of complicated color and design along with my unique (then again, maybe not so unique) struggles.
I’m a wife and mother. I’m learning how much I really like these titles and the jobs associated with these roles. I have spiritual roots that keep me grounded and bring me to my knees often. I have learned I can ask for help with my weaknesses and I can even ask for help with my strengths. I come from a divine Heavenly Father who gives me all I have, and He knows all I can become. It is through Him, I am alive today and anything good I do is because I am His daughter.
The below notes about me will be the future content of my blog. I will more deliberately serve my family this year in the following ways:
• Work at a stronger physical core
• Enjoy music
• Be creative in organizing my home, cooking and gardening
• Finish our nagging home construction projects
• Carry on our Ferre family traditions
• Decorate-decorate-decorate
• Sew the impossible wardrobe for me and the girls
• Craft unexpected treasures
• But most importantly, become more spiritually grounded in my faith.
I’m a triathlete with an Ironman in mind for November 2011. When I’m stronger, my little (and big) Ferres are happier.
I’m a flute and piano player giving only occasional performances, but I have a great love for music.
I’m a great cook… when I want to be. And I really want to be great when I entertain. There is something exhilarating about pleasing guests’ palettes. Especially when those guests just happen to be your kids.
I have read dozens of books on gardening, have a garden plan rendered (and it’s amazing on paper), and yet my yard looks like no one lives here. My home is 82% finished, with unpainted spots and various doors with no hardware, tile backsplashes never installed, exterior columns left as splinted wood posts, only the craftsman sketch of a fireplace mantel, and custom built-ins on tracing paper. You see, sometimes I forget my projects aren’t complete, because in my head, once it’s designed - it’s done, (well that or husband’s suggested budget is pending).
I love holidays and traditions, and pride myself on coordinating with lots of little “holiday people” that make it to our house, aside from the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, we have Mother Goose, Yankee Doodle, The Phantom Ghost, Larry the Leprechaun and a few others that make the children at school say to my girls, “That’s not fair.” Along with our collection of holiday friends, I have various candy jars on my piano that rotate seasonal contents every month. And more than fillers for my jars, I have tablecloths to suit any holiday or party color scheme.
I love to sew. I collect ribbon, trims and fabric like I own a store. I currently have 67 projects outlined with a pattern and already purchased fabric organized in bins just ready for construction. Pathetic really.
I have boxes and boxes of creative junk. I counted last summer when I brought my office home, almost exactly 300. My hands can’t work as fast as my head can dream. I have notebooks of sketches and inspirations that I’ve compiled over the last 20 years. I eventually get them done. It’s not unusual for me to finish a project I dreamed about or started 10 years ago. I don’t forget about a single one once it’s been sketched. In fact, those vintage ideas are the most rewarding to finish.
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who am I not to be? I am a child of God.
And as I choose to live my life more deliberately with joy and thoughtful intentions, I hope you feel liberated enough to do the same. As I am freed from my own fears about myself, I hope you will free yourself from yours. We will then serve the world big and well.
And for me, it is big enough to serve the world creatively from my own home with my husband and daughters surrounding me.
